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Posts Tagged ‘baby’

For today’s throat punch I need a second to ask the recipient to go and get a babysitter.

I can’t chop her gullet in front of her child.

OH wait, I AM the babysitter…. Right. That’s why she’s getting the slap to the larynx.

Because she’s a complete stranger, a woman I have never met in my entire life, and she left her baby with me.  With us.

Without asking.

No I’m not kidding.

I don’t kid on Throat Punch Thursdays.

Her daughter was adorable and my child loves babies, so we went over to say hi, to make baby friends, and then to leave.

But we couldn’t leave.

Her mother was no where to be found.

I looked around, searching high a low for her boney little body, which could be hiding anywhere; in the garbage can, the fake ferns, I even checked in my purse.

Brian spotted her.

At the cell phone kiosk.

Bitch please.

If I wanted a second baby badly enough right now your precious, chubby faced, beautiful little girl would have been mine!

She would have been safe with me and I would NEVER have left her with a stranger while I looked at cases for my iphone.

BUT.

You are lucky that it was us who you left her with while your brain leapt from your head and you put shopping in front of your child’s safety.

Because I would never steal your baby.

This Throat Punch comes with a lesson in parenting you sad woman.

There are many people who would steal your baby, they are waiting for an opportunity just like this one and would have disappeared in an instant with your tiny girl.

Your child should be the most important person in your life, you never leave her with a stranger. If you need a break then call a friend, her grandparent, or a real babysitter you trust!

Your throat punch comes in the form of disappointment. From one mother to another.

That should sting more.

I am very disappointed.

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There are days when the big pool is where it’s at! Deep, refreshing, and lots of room to splash around.

But then there are times when the small pool will do just fine.


Let's BEE Friends

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Since having a baby I’ve been privy to some of the most horrendous birth stories there are. We mothers do that to one another, we terrorize each other with stories of endless labour, epidurals gone wrong, episiotomies that wouldn’t heal, and doctors with no bedside manner.

We try to out do our friends with tales of popped blood vessels in our eyes, loss of bowel control, pulling arms off in the delivery room, and squeezing out 20lb babies.

Women see a pregnant woman and the gloves come off.

So when it was my turn I was prepared for the worst.

I was ready for my head to swell with each contraction, for the pits of hell to open up and the devil himself to appear and offer me a pain-free delivery in exchange for my soul.

None of this happened.

*I’d like to give a shout out to the drugs!

The first time I gave birth (and the only time so far) I relished in the vacation that was the hospital stay!

My delivery was uneventful, I mean, there was a baby and she was/is perfect in every way. We created a miracle so that was pretty awesome! But other than the miracle part – uneventful.

But after…sigh.

I laid in a bed, a bed that was all mine, and cuddled with my new baby. She only asked that I feed her, cuddle her, and stare at her.

Nurses came in and changed her, bathed her, and cooed at her. They let me sleep and woke me up when it was time to feed her each time.

My meals were brought to me, the TV was set on the station I wanted, and I had someone to help me go to the bathroom and shower me.

It was heaven.

Heaven at the hospital.

I miss it and I think about it, probably more often than I should.

If only they sold time shares.

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Say What?

My daughter is 14 months now and developing into a person, someone with a unique personality, quirks, a sense of humour, and a tiny itty bitty attitude.

I have no idea where she gets that from.

Recently I’ve noticed that I’ve been saying things to her that I never thought I would hear myself say.

Things that only others parents can relate to.

Sigh.

———————-

“Stop waving the spatula at the cat! That’s not how you make friends!”

“Just let me pick your nose and then you can watch Mickey Mouse.”

“Please stop mashing banana into your hair.”

“The chair is not to be chewed on, nor is the deck, go find something else to put in your mouth.”

“Really? Are you that hungry? Do we starve you? Please stop eating the deck.”

“You don’t have to scream and pull on your hair like a lunatic, I will take you pig tails out, even though they look super cute and without them you look like you’ve been through a windstorm.”

“Please don’t lick the garbage can.”

“Any and all cat food that is in your mouth should be put into mommy’s hands immediately!”

“No thank you, I’m stuffed and half chewed hot dog isn’t really that appealing.”

“Hands out of your poop!!”

“Mommy’s going to have a bath alone tonight because you pee in the water.”

“Hey! Face OUT of the Cat dish!”

“No, we don’t eat ants, dirt, or rocks!”

“Whatever, eat the dandelion, yaaaahhh, mmmmm.”

“I’ve asked you twice today to stay out of that cat food! Show me how many pieces you have in your mouth!”

—————————-

I know you’ve all said these or a variation of these things to your children!

What ones were your best or most shocking?

Let us know and we’ll vote on Friday!! Winner to be announced Monday June 27!!

What do you win?? Well there’s a postal strike in Canada right now so you don’t win any goodies through the mail, BUT you do win your blog button on my site for a whole 2 weeks!! ACK!

ADDITION: The winner will also receive a very useful and totally hot giveaway! Don’t miss out!!

THATS AWESOME!

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The Fever

This meme came at the perfect time!

19 Weeks

Why?

Because I have the fever!

The baby fever!

Oh Lawd.

After I had my daughter I was certain I wasn’t having anymore babies and I couldn’t figure out how the parents of more than one got to the place where they wanted more.

The weight of being a new mother, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, and attempting to wrap my head around the incredible responsibility in front of me had me swearing off all future children.

And then I found out I was drowning from Post Pardum Depression.

So I fought.

Hard.

And I won.

I found out what it’s like to be a mother without PPD dragging me down.

29 Weeks

Light, relaxing, and enjoyable.

There’s a future.

And I want to do it again.

Leighann

Note: I am not pregnant nor am I trying to get pregnant at this time.

I have a wedding to plan people!!

But I will hold your baby, rock your baby, smell your baby, buy your baby

clothes, and look at pictures of your baby.

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Take this Toy and Shove it

Photobucket

 

It’s Vlog day!

I’m bringing you into my personal hell today.

You’re coming whether you like it or not.

Loud toy hell.

Come on!!

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Most little girls grow up dreaming of their wedding days.

I did.

Hours spent draping oversized fabric around in preparation for my imaginary nuptials.

Growing up dreaming of my soul mate, my one true love, of the man I was destined to be with.

When I was 18 I fell in love. I was head over heals and believed I had found the one, we were going to be together forever.

My heart was broken.

I was 18. People change as they grow. I had changed and so had he. He was not my price charming and he was not my match.

As time went on friends became engaged and married, they expressed their love for one another in front of their families. Their love was evident, explosive, and unbreakable.

That little girl inside of me screamed.

She wanted that kind of love.

When would it be her turn?

Dating because an obsession, no longer fun and exciting. It became about meeting my criteria. I needed a break.

And then I meet him.

He made me nervous.

No one ever made me nervous.

His eyes pierced through me when he spoke and he was funny. I loved funny.

We were never apart.

Even now we are rarely apart. His easy-going nature, hilarity, and dedication to whatever he is doing make him so easy to be around. He is the most loyal person I have ever met, supportive and empathetic.

We welcomed a daughter in April 2010 and I saw him be a father for the first time.

We are blessed. This man will go to the ends of the earth for his family and for this I am more than grateful.

On June 1, 2011 he proposed to me.

Yes this year.

No we weren’t married.

Yes I know you thought we were.

Sorry I didn’t tell you.

I said yes.

Leighann

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