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Posts Tagged ‘baby’

Mine.

Her legs hold tight around the woman’s small waist and she looks up at her with adoration. Her chicklet smile bursting hearts as she fills her chubby hands with fistfuls of hair.

The woman wraps her hand around the girls small fingers, playfully telling her no and tickling her dangling toes. They giggle together, whisper secrets, and are lost in a secret world.

Jealousy overwhelms me. I can taste its bitter bubbles on the back of my tongue as it boils in my throat.

Those giggles should be mine.

Those secrets should be whispered to me.

I should be apart of the secret world.

That is my daughter.

Each morning she happily goes to her daycare teacher with outstretched arms and a wide grin, waving goodbye for the day.

Learning her ABC’s, peek-a-boo, patty cake.

Things I should be teaching her.

I hate that she loves her daycare.

I love that she loves her daycare.

And as much as she adores her teacher she doesn’t hesitate to push her aside each evening when she sees me arrive at the entrance to pick her up.

Arms reaching, squeals of joy echoing across the playground, and recently the sound of “mom, mom, mom” swelling my heart.


Leighann

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1. The stomach flu travels fast within a household and just because you’re the mom doesn’t mean you’re immune, it just means you will have to factor frequent bathroom visits into your day.

2. When daddy has the stomach flu the world stops. Clear the house, but not before setting him up with warm blankets, snacks, drinks, a bucket, cell phone, and movies. While out prepare a band, a buffet, some singing children, cards, flowers, and all your love to take back with you. Then, clean up his mess.

3. Severe stomach pains are no reason to go to the hospital. You are the mom. The house depends on you to be its rock, its centre. Any signs of a break and those orbiting around you begin to get twitchy. If you insist on going because those pains are so intense you think your insides might have exploded, beware. Until the results are in you will still be met with hesitant moans.

4. A diagnosis from a doctor does not mean you get to rest. It’s only a piece of paper and a wish.

5. Stay as long as possible in the hospital (and on morphine) as humanly possible. Cry if you have to.

6. A mom’s definition of cleaning up after dinner, and a dad’s, are so completely different that there isn’t even a point in arguing about it. Just walk away and be grateful that someone hasn’t choked on a wayward turkey bone.

7. When a mom believes a baby is sick a daddy should never question her. Why? Because a mom created that little baby inside her. She made that miracle that is their child. She has a divine connection to that little girl that he can try to understand but only would if he swallowed a watermelon whole and then squeezed it out his manhood. Even then the emotional connection would not be there. Who gets emotionally attached to a watermelon?
Point being, the baby is sick and mumma knew.

8. Daddy’s are frustrating. But when baby’s are sick and mumma’s are tired they tend to surprise by scooping up that little girl and dancing slow rhythmic circles around the living room.  His little baby in his arms and pure love in his eyes.

Sigh.

Leighann

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Not Just a Toy Box

When I unwrapped the clear plastic from around the baskets boxed canvas edges I already knew what I would do with it.

My friends and family knew my obsession well.  This was apparent from the sea of baskets stretched out before me as I opened gift after gift at my baby shower.

But this one, this big, bold, durable cube filled with baby toys, a walker, and tiny clothes was just what I had been looking for. I envisioned stuffed animals pouring over its edges, its ruby fabric the perfect contrast to our expected arrivals bedding, already in place.

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Against our newly painted grey living room, carefully chosen furniture, and purple accessories its garnet material isn‘t easy to hide. Having left its home in the nursery months ago, dragged out to join the family and becoming a permanent fixture.

Stuffed animals are now replaced by stacking cups and linking rings, Little People and board books.

Rarely are these toys inside.

It has now become a little girls play yard.

The sturdy sides providing shelter from the rough waves as she fights off sea monsters and makes friends with mermaids.

On its side it’s a secret hide out where she can plan take downs on the cat and eat floor dirt.

It becomes the quickest car in the race when Daddy pushes, painted crimson with a number 1 on the side.

This basket empty brings more giggles than it does full.

With toys all over the floor, baby tucked deep inside its canvas sides, squeals echo throughout the house.

The perfect baby gift.

The gift of imagination.

Leighann

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On Sunday we had a party. Her very first.

The balloons were a hit

There were many gifts

Don’t let this fool you. She wasn’t this still for long.

A car? Spoiled!

And of course… there was cake!

 

Leighann

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Today You Are 1

Today you are 1.

If I close my eyes I can still feel the phantom kicks of your tiny heals against my ribs.

I can still remember the overwhelming anticipation we could not contain.

I can see your perfect face looking at mine for the first time.

I’ll love you forever

We soaked you in for days.

You were here and we were in disbelieve.

I loved you more than I could comprehend.

My heart exploded.

I’ll like you for always.

Blissful giggles began to pop, brightening our lives.

New adventures were sought.

Our worlds richer with each new discovery .

As long as I’m living.

Your adventures took you from scooting to crawling.

Babbles suddenly turned to words.

You became a little girl.

But no matter how big you get birthday girl.

My baby you’ll be.

 

Love Mumma

*words inserted are from the Children’s Book “Love You Forever” by Robert Munsch

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My Today

I woke up with you in my bed because your teeth hurt.

And because I wanted you there.

I watched you playing gently with little friends younger than you and gave you space to explore.

And wanted to hold you the whole time.

I made your lunch and set it down in front of you ensuring each bite was chewed.

And wished we were still rocking softly together while you drank.

I dressed you and snapped you tight in your car seat while you practiced new words in my ear.

And I remembered your first coos and smiles.

I buckled you into the shopping cart and laughed with you as the wind blew your hair.

And wished I could bottle that sound.

I watched you point curiously as I picked out your very first birthday card.

And I was filled with gratitude for my gift.

Leighann

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Today is Monday…

Today is Monday.

In 8 days I go back to work.

This thought made me feel the heavy load of my PPD against my back.

Guilt.

In 8 days my baby goes off to daycare on her birthday.

More weight as the bricks got heavier.

I was frozen in fear with the suggestion of a stranger looking after my baby.

Will they see her walk before me?  What if she says  “mama” for the first time to someone else?

My knees buckled from the crushing load that pressed against me.

Today is Monday.

And I’m okay.

I can not freeze time.

PPD can not either.

As if to reassure me, last week my daughter began a developmental growth spurt.

A series of little advancements

One day she clapped her hands.

Stood on her own.

Said Mama!

The pieces of PPD began to fall away.

She began signing back “finished” and “more.”

And suddenly started looking like a big girl.

My back felt lighter, my shoulders more relaxed, PPD wasn’t as much of a threat.

Today is Monday.

8 more days and I’m still a mom and she’s still my baby.

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Spring.

We’ve been waiting for you.

Leighann

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The Princess moved into her new castle.

She was given the tour and all of her loyal subjects were lined up inside awaiting their orders.

She waited for her prince.

Would he come?

Of course he would!

 


Leighann

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I Will Love You…

To My Daughter,

I will love you… through late nights of teething, ear aches, scary movies, bad dreams, and thunderstorms.

I will love you… when you tantrum, hit, bite, tell me you hate me, hurt my heart.

I will love you… when you lie to me for the first time, and the second.

I will love you… no matter how many times you eat food off the floor or ground.

I will love you… as you learn to talk, wrapping your mouth around sounds and forming words.

I will love you… if you fall as you take your very fist steps and clap my hands with excitement.

I will love you… through bullies and backstabbing, hurt feelings and lost friends.

I will love you… when you find someone you love and then through heart ache.

I will love you… when you make mistakes, no matter how many, my love is unconditional.

I will love you… if you decide to go away to school, or not.

I will love you… even if one day you get angry and tell me you do not love me.

I will love you… if your life takes you in a direction that involves you moving far away.

I will love you… if you need to move back home, anytime.

I will love you… when you tell me you’ve turned out just like me.

I will love you… until the end of time.

Leighann (Mumma)

 

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