So You Wanna Have a Baby…Test

01/09/2011

I “stumbled” upon this hilarious test for people who were interested in having a baby and, although thorough, I thought there were items this list needed. (to see list go here http://bit.ly/facL1h) 

For couples or singles interested in becoming parents certain things need to be considered, test runs made, my suggestions:

Strength Test
1. Duct tape a 40lb bag onto your stomach (the man, if there is one, should do this too in order to get the full effect), every 15 to 20 minutes (including night time) a friend, co-worker, or stranger must be instructed to punch you in the ribs, bladder, or pelvic area. *note: if you’ve had children and did not gain 40lbs good for you … this isn’t about you skinny.. its about us fat asses who did. 

Endurance Test
2. Dress a bag of sugar in a sleeper, become attached to it as soon as you see it. Set your alarm to wake you up every two hours, do not hit the snooze, in fact break the snooze. Get up when your alarm goes off, pick up your sweet sugar and walk around your house for 45 minutes. Bounce, rock, cry. Do this for 2 months, then switch to 4 hour intervals.

Emotional Test
3. Take Sugar baby out in public, let people touch it, put their dirty fingers on it, tell you that it’s cold/hot, teething, hungry, dirty, clean, pooping, tired, a bag of sugar. Smile through all of it, because you’re a new parent.

Drug Test
4. Hold your urine for 12hrs and when you do go pee leave the door wide open.

Personal Hygiene Test
5. Let a bag of milk spoil, then put on your best outfit, go out shopping. Dump the bag of spoiled milk all over you.

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